Put on love. Isn't love an emotion? Love is a verb. Love is devotion. Love is said to be more of a war. And some wars are absolutely worth fighting for. Resurrection, O God bring us life. Show us to live, first we must die.

Daydream.

He opens his eyes and sees that shes still fast asleep, the morning is new but he cant help feeling old. When she awakes she gets out of bed and he helps her dress, so many years she cant recall... He opens his Bible and reads it to her most everyday, she smiles back at him, but she cant a word to say. Cause somewhere she knows that she isn't right, she begins to cry, her heart wants to speak her love but her mind just wont comply. And he cant help feeling alone though, she's still there, and their love was once so alive but, now shes lost in a daydream cant be brought back to shore, lost in daydream.

They sit on the couch and turn on the TV to pass the time, nothing to do, no one to see. He fights off the feeling that life is a game and his turn is up, but sometimes its all too much.. He puts her to bed, turns out the light, and he shuts the door. He lets out a breath, and closes his eyes. He opens a bottle and pours out a glass to numb the pain, angry at God, all that he can do is pray. And he cant help feeling alone though, she's still there, and their love was once so alive but, now shes lost in a daydream cant be brought back to shore, lost in daydream.
When he said, "Until death do us part, you'll have my heart." He could not have know, would not be death that would take, its life that would break him down. But someday he knows, he will be coming home, but until that day comes, he's still alone.

Feels like letting go.

Oh my love, help me open up my heart again, tear it open let the rain fall in wash this hardness underneath my skin. Oh my love, let me hear your voice come through, I want to know the love inside of you, make this dark heart believe in what is true. I know that in the dark there's a fear of letting go, I know it in my heart that I fear what I don't know, and this feels like letting go, I'm letting go... Its hard to trust when your hearts been broken times before, you pull the curtains and you lock the doors, swear you'll never go out anymore. I know that in the dark there's a fear of letting go, I know it in my heart that I fear what I don't know, and this feels like letting go, I'm letting go. Where I'm stepping out I can't see, and there is no sound. Seeming void becomes a solid ground, a sight I lost becomes the faith I found, and this feels like letting go, this feels like letting go, I'm letting go, I'm letting go.....

love.

Everyday the story goes... "bundle tightly for the cold.." My feet walk slow this beaten road, my heart directs them where to go. This fragrance smells so sweet, I surrender all of me, if this love is just a dream then its taking over me. Faces come, faces go; this dream sleeps tightly down below, I'm ready now for loves appeal. I feel this dreams becoming real. This fragrance smells so sweet, I must surrender all of me, this love is just a dream thats taking over me.. I've spent all my days looking for love that was broken, chasing a romance always left me dry.. Spending my nights dreaming of words never spoken, if only I had known you loved me all the while. Then you broke in; and love that fills my fractured heart a love thats chased me from the start.This fragrance that smells so sweet, I surrender all of me, this love is just a dream that has taken over me.

*****

Love is like the ocean crashing on the beach, love is like an empire feuding over me, it falls and rises, falls and rises.. Love is like a sunset lost behind the peeks, love is like the stars watching over me, it falls and rises, falls and rises. Ive seen lovers rising up, I've seen lovers falling down from above, though we've been broken by shadows and sparks You've captured our hearts, but the tension is here with the rising and falling of love.
Love is like a little drop of mercury, love is like the symphony thats locked inside of me, it falls and rises, it falls and rises. Love is lke a stone skipping on the sea, love is like a savior dying on the tree. It falls and rises, it falls and rises. I've seen lovers rising up, and I've seen lovers falling down from above & though we've been broken by shadows and sparks You've captured our hearts. But the tension is here with the rising and falling of love.
There is a love that burns like a fire, there is a light that's better than the day. We spend all our time chasing shadows and sparks, brown paper hearts. I've seen lovers riseing up from the dust, and I've seen lovers falling down from above, and though we've been broken by shadows and sparks, You've captured our hearts, and soon the tension will stop with the rising and coming of love.

Teach me to Pray.

My words are futile. Teach me to pray Yours.”

I want prayers that are full of the worship faithful prayers are made of.
I want to pray like Jesus.

If our Father knows what we need before we ask (Matthew 6:8), then perhaps I might begin to pray as a child might pray, “Abba, I know you know. Now I will sit beneath you, delight in your shade and hide in the shadow of your wings. May your praise always be on my mouth. Amen.” Jesus also knew the hindrance of unforgiveness to our prayers (Matthew 6:14-15). ”My savior, I forgive him. I forgive her. I forgive them. I forgive ______________. I will allow your peace to reign in my heart and heal these wounds. Forgive me, as I forgive others. Teach me to walk in this grace and mercy.” His people were helped, and their prayers answered, because they trusted in him (1 Chronicles 5:20).

Are thoughts are known to him, as our needs. All our futile thoughts (Psalm 94:11).
Futile thoughts: thoughts unleashed, aimlessly wondering, full of worry.
For me, this happens when I wake.
I will spend ten, twenty, fifty, minutes thinking of… what? Whatever.
And it’s not until I’m dressed or approaching my office, I realize. Futile thoughts.

So, I plead. Again and again, conform me not to the pattern of this world. Holy Spirit, transform me by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2).

My words are futile, teach me to pray. Yours.

Questions

It’s dropped cold again, and I’m left inside wondering whether the cold is comforting or strangely lonely.

I’ve really no single point to talk about tonight, but several, I feel, will work their way to the surface as I start to write so I start…

Have you ever dreamed about the stars? Or stayed up all night watching them burn? Have you ever wondered how one day can be so different than another? How one way to convey a point makes things as clear as glass to you one day, and the next it seems strangely vague and another method is seemingly brilliant? Have you ever just asked a question about a matter that you don’t actually anticipate a certain answer for? But Instead asked genuinely for the sake of knowing the right answer or merely another’s opinion? Some of these are things that either haunt me, or greet me with a friendly handshake and I usually can’t decide which it is. I realize if I go on rambling like this it will confuse the both of us so I’m choosing to narrow it down to a topic. We’ll start with the latter idea I posed.Questions.

Have you ever just asked a question? Not waiting for an answer that you will fight or compare to your already built notion? I feel it’s amazingly healthy to truly seek an answer and not an argument. Have you ever asked God a question? With the practical faith that He has an answer? (I find it somewhat ironic that this topic is mostly posed in questions) But in all sincerity I suggest you try. Try asking a question about a subject you just can’t comprehend. Eternity. Love. Truth. Hope. Fact. Morality. These are things we say the name of but have no perception of their depth and meaning. There are a thousand things that will race to the surface of your mind if you let them, but so often we discourage our actively seeking minds with the thought that, we’ll never understand so why think about it. This is an unreasonable excuse friends! I mean, let your mind race, let your curiosity run! And let your heart inquire to a God who hears. It was Saint Augustine that wrote, “And all the things of tomorrow and the days yet to come, and all of yesterday and the days that are past, Thou wilt gather into this Thy day. What is it to me if someone does not understand this? Let him still rejoice and continue to ask, “What is this?” Let him also rejoice and prefer to seek Thee, even if he fails to find an answer, rather than to seek an answer and not find Thee!” And wasn’t it our Infinite God who said, “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”? Listen, like Augustine said, you may not get the answer you’re looking for, but please friend, don’t let that deter you! Wouldn’t it be worth the time spent in God’s presence? Wouldn’t it be worth listening and hearing your Maker say, “It’s not for your eyes now, but one day you will see like in a mirror. Clearly.” Whether you find the answer or not, embark on the adventure of a question. Listening to wisdom and grace. And hearing the question call your name.

Well, There’s one thing floating around in my mind now out in a few visible paragraphs. I hope I haven’t confused you with the rant of a fool but rather fueled your curiosity of life with the questions of a fellow seeker. Grace and Peace

Castin my cares, and train fares

How often have I held onto cares like they were the only things that float in the wreckage of a ship? As if I would drown if I let go of one of them. How often have I wrongly assumed that I was the one keeping my head from going under? And how many times have I gotten more than wearied by this fight?

I was reading something tonight. I read it once through, and then wrestled with a thought. “How long has it been since I have surrendered? How long has it been since I gave everything to the Lord and fell in Love with Him and the way He holds my head up?” So I read it again and it seemed to take on the shape of a tool in the hands of the Potter ressurecting my soul.

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7

Now, I would like you to stop. to stop and do as I did. Question yourself for a moment? How long has it been since you’ve been at home in the arms of you Saviour? Really at home. Now read that line over again.

As I did I began to further meditate on it. What does my God’s mighty hand look like? And so i found myself in Psalms.

To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David. A Song. Praise is awaiting You, O God, in Zion; And to You the vow shall be performed. O You who hear prayer, To You all flesh will come. Iniquities prevail against me; [As for] our transgressions, You will provide atonement for them. Blessed [is the man] You choose, And cause to approach [You], [That] he may dwell in Your courts. We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Of Your holy temple. [By] awesome deeds in righteousness You will answer us, O God of our salvation, [You who are] the confidence of all the ends of the earth, And of the far-off seas; Who established the mountains by His strength, [Being] clothed with power; You who still the noise of the seas, The noise of their waves, And the tumult of the peoples. They also who dwell in the farthest parts are afraid of Your signs; You make the outgoings of the morning and evening rejoice. You visit the earth and water it, You greatly enrich it; The river of God is full of water; You provide their grain, For so You have prepared it. You water its ridges abundantly, You settle its furrows; You make it soft with showers, You bless its growth. You crown the year with Your goodness, And Your paths drip [with] abundance. They drop [on] the pastures of the wilderness, And the little hills rejoice on every side. The pastures are clothed with flocks; The valleys also are covered with grain; They shout for joy, they also sing. Ps 65

The ocean rages. i’ve seen it, I’ve felt it. I’ve been overwhelmed by it. Waves have shown their angry teeth, and even swallowed me whole. But My God is the one who calms those stromy seas.

The tumult of riots has screemed louder that the thoughts in my own head. People shout. People give up their oppinions like the graves will give up their dead on the day of redemption. But My God is the one who speaks a whisper above the noisiest crowd.

My point is this friends, To cast your cares off is one thing. You could just cast your cares into a pile and hope they don’t haunt you but let’s all face it. Nothing’s keeping them down. Where redemption, freedom, peace, and joy come from is the place where you cast your care upon Him. For, He cares for you. The one who quites the seas to a whisper, and silences the peoples to a hush, cares more for us then our human minds could ever comprehend. His desire is to be with you. His desire is for you to experience the gift of letting go of your care and letting Him care for you. In your place. Friends, it’s the message of the cross. It’s the message of a redeemer. Read ps 65 and know who your God is. The one who cares For you.

( I found this in my drafts from september. There must be a reason it didn’t get published then.)

The sky is truly vast. The traffic’s moving fast. Faster and faster, I stop and ask her if he feels like we’re moving at all. For next to the vast thought of love, I’m feeling rather small. The skyline sings of an empire. A decadence this human race admires. But at the drop of a hat this source of pride falls like a world war flyer. See, the line of buildings cries. And the money pit sinks and sighs. While it boasts of such power, it’s songs are songs of lies. We’re not who we say we are. We’re not who our titles say. We’re all souls who God has sent His only Son to save. And nothing matters anymore, not like I thought it did. Cause you and I are home in Him, and we’re filled with His love and sent. Sent where? Who knows! But God alone is wise. And His love is worth dying for. His love is worth the fight. The fight that He alone can win. The fight that was never ours. Let’s surrender ourselves and God forbid we hold onto our own hearts. What am I trying to say. What road am I taking to get this point out last? Regarldess of the road the point is, the sky is vast. When I look into it’s depths, I see the shallows of my fears. And realize, God is God and He truly, truly cares.

12:42

I don’t know what is about the night sky, or the clock turning the midnight corner, or the moon shining bright. But around this time I’m just prone to think. I’m left alone. The sound of silence sings. And the sky outside just looks like it has something on it’s mind. So my mind wanders.. It wanders over my day, over the highs and lows, over relationships, and experiences, thoughts and emotions. I think nine out of ten blogs I’ve written have probably been late at night and I can’t say why. But that’s just the way it is. ..So here I am again.

For the last few weeks I’ve been seeking God very persistantly. About a specific thing, yes. I won’t say what it is, but It’s been hard to hear. I’ve felt like I had a conch shell up to my hear listening so closely for the sound of the ocean but hearing only my own breathing. I don’t know why sometimes God’s leading is as clear as glass and why at other times it feels like I couldn’t hear Him if He was shouting at me. Why sometimes the answer is as loud as a trumpet’s blast, and other times seemingly unheard. I was reading Hebrews Chapter Six this morning.. Verse 15 says, “And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.” This verse is speaking of Abraham. God promised Abraham something. Abraham patiently endured. Abraham received the promise. Seems simple right? So I found myself wondering if I could apply this. But it seems different to me, my situation from Abraham’s. You see, God spoke to Abraham with His voice. Showed him the stars in the sky, the sands on the shore and made a promise with him right then and there. I so often find myself asking God to just speak to me. To just come down into my room for a moment and have a conversation with me. See, I feel like He has promised me something specific, but I’m not sure. So I’m left in this limbo of doubt and question. “Well do I even have a this promise to hold on to? Should I hold on till the promise comes?” Maybe this sounds like a rant to you, and it probably is, but to me it’s heavy on my heart. And I find myself just looking up and saying, “God, where are you? And why won’t you answer me?” Maybe I have the promise. Maybe I also have a lack of faith. Maybe in time God will reveal it more clearly. But until then I know I should just keep seeking Him and having faith. Why is that so hard? Well the same question applies to why it’s so hard for a ten year old to sleep alone in the dark. Or a blind man to walk to the corner store. But is it? My God has never let me down or given me a reason not to trust Him! I can’t finish this. I probably shouldn’t have written it. I know it’s hard to read pain so I appologize. Just be encouraged that if you’re in the place I’m in, it makes two of us. And God is real. And even when we are faithless, He is faithful. That’s all I know tonight, and maybe that’s enough..

Is there a cure for this pain, maybe i should have something to eat, food wont take this emptiness away, I'm hungry for you my love. well i made it through another day, in my cold room. I'm scraps and pieces left behind, i survive with only memory of you..
all of me is all for you, you're all i see.. all of me is all for you you're all i need.
Is there a remedy for waiting, for loves victorious return, is there a remedy for hating, every second that I'm without you. all of me is all for you. you're all i seek, all of me is all for you, you are all i desire, you're all i need. All this life is all for love, its the only road ill choose. and every street and avenue only one will lead me to you. all of me is all for you, you are all i see, all of me is all for you you are all i need.
what a love.
what a love
what a love
what a love,
one love.